


The Blue Night, Gone Fragile

by GreenGarden



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Anal Sex, Consent, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Canon, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 22:14:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17795732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenGarden/pseuds/GreenGarden
Summary: Ronan and Adam cover some new ground, emotionally and sexually.Set a year or so after TRK.





	The Blue Night, Gone Fragile

The Barns were beautiful all year, but the wintertime brought a sense of heavy peacefulness to the fields and the farmhouse. The cold, clear light from the stars contrasted with the warm glow emanating from the frosted windows. Inside, the fireplace rustled as the flames died down. The sink was filled with hastily discarded dinner dishes. A book was flung facedown on the sofa cushions. Adam was home.

The darkened stairway was quiet but for the faint sounds of a breath caught close, a whisper there and again. The bedroom was a sheltered space, a cave so far apart from the rest of the world that everything outside seemed like a dream and everything in the room became the only waking truth.

Adam was wrapped around Ronan so tightly that there was no space allowed for thought, only the sensation of skin against skin. He rubbed his hand over Ronan’s stomach and chest, kissing the back of his neck while he fucked into him slow and deep. Ronan arched back against Adam’s mouth, holding on to the bedpost with one arm stretched above his head while he jerked himself off with his other hand. 

With Adam behind him and eye contact impossible, Ronan allowed himself to be a little more honest than he would otherwise be. “God, I missed you,” he whispered against the pillow. With his lips pressed against Ronan’s spine, Adam also allowed himself to be a little bit more honest. “I missed you, too.”

Before the swell of emotion in his chest could break Ronan in half, he pushed back against Adam harder, until Adam groaned and rolled them further into the bed. He got his own hand underneath them, and gripped Ronan while he fucked him faster. Ronan was pointedly loud during sex, and soon Adam had him swearing against the mattress. 

“Fuck, you’re so hot.” Adam’s voice was rough and tense, his arms shaking slightly with the tension of holding himself back. “I want you to come first.” Ronan closed his eyes, just feeling the fullness of Adam moving inside him, the roughness of Adam’s palm against his cock, the beat of Adam’s heart against his shoulder blade. His breathing deepened and then hitched before he came with a long, low moan. Adam followed him into the oblivion of it, pulsing hard into him and smothering his own groan against Ronan’s neck. 

They stayed pressed together, Adam shifting slightly to the side so that Ronan could turn his head back and they could kiss and press their noses together while their breathing slowed. Eventually Adam slipped out of Ronan, both of them shivering a little at the sensation, and rubbed his fingers along the lines of Ronan’s tattoo. This was Ronan’s favorite part, right after, when Adam started to get sleepy and they were both boneless and truthful and gentle. 

Eventually, he tore himself away to clean up and turn off the light in the hallway but when he returned to the bed Adam rolled toward him and gripped his bicep, pressing a kiss against Ronan’s throat. “That was hot.” “Oh yeah?” Ronan smirked and shouldered in closer to Adam’s chest. Adam let out a satisfied sigh and replied, “Mmm. I think you should fuck me next time though.” 

Ronan tensed. He turned to look at Adam, but Adam was already most of the way asleep, his lips parting unselfconsciously as fatigue claimed control of his body. Ronan watched him for a while longer, then shifted up and out of the bed to prowl restlessly through the shadowed house. 

-

Ronan let himself pretend nothing had been said. Adam didn’t bring it up the next day so he entertained the notion that Adam had forgotten. Ronan’s mind was practiced at partitioning off the messier parts of his existence but he also knew this approach to life had its limitations. He was keenly aware that his relationship with Adam was built on their mutual progress in the communication department. After Gansey’s resurrection, his mother’s death, his own near unmaking, and Adam’s first years of college they had improved on the practice of having hard conversations but not perfected it. 

Sure enough, they circled back around to the topic. Or rather, Adam leaned over after Ronan parked the BMW one night, and breathed it against Ronan’s ear. “I want you to fuck me.” Ronan immediately jerked away and found himself caught in Adam’s surprised stare. He stuttered through several non-words and then wrenched himself out of the car. “Ronan, what the hell?” Adam got out and looked at him across the roof of the car, their breath forming little clouds in the cold night. Ronan stopped pacing and headed furiously for the house, hoping that the front door would transport him into a parallel dimension where he wouldn’t have to reflect on his reaction to this proposition. 

Unfortunately, a parallel dimension was not available so he found himself in the kitchen, gripping the edge of the counter. He heard Adam come in behind him and drag out one of the kitchen chairs before dropping into it with a sigh.

“What in the hell was that?”

“I…” Ronan gritted his teeth, “I don’t want talk about it, Parrish.”

“Well, that’s not okay with me. And that’s not really an option.” A moment later: “Do you not want to?”

Ronan wanted to unzip his body and escape his own skin. He wanted to get in his car and slam the door and drive out in to the night at an unspeakable speed. He wanted to be five beers deep. But mostly he wanted Adam to not feel hurt, and he didn’t want to disappoint him again. He took a deep breath. Then he filled a glass of water from the tap and set it down in front of Adam before taking a seat next to him at the table. Somehow it felt easier than sitting across from Adam and Ronan thought he deserved a little accommodation if he was willing to try to talk it out like an adult. They both stared ahead at the sink for a few moments.

Adam drank the glass of water and waited. When almost five minutes ticked by (audibly, thanks to a creaky old clock on the wall) he reached over and gently slipped his index finger under the leather bands on Ronan’s left wrist. 

Ronan gathered himself. “Why do you want to do it?”

“I don’t understand what the problem is? I fuck you all the time?”

“Yeah but…why do you want me to fuck you? Can’t we just keep doing it the way we’ve been?”

“Yeah, we could but…I thought you’d like to switch? And I want to. I want to know what it feels like. It seems like you like it so I don’t know why you think I won’t?”

Ronan liked it a lot. It did feel good – amazing really – but it also…hurt sometimes. The intensity and the pain was what Ronan liked about it. It made him feel alive in a way that nothing else did. 

But he and Adam had different relationships to pain, to touch, to intimacy. Ronan liked to visit experiences of intense sensation like a tourist - driving too fast, getting large tattoos needled into his skin, getting fucked hard. He didn’t know whether the experience would be the same for Adam. 

“I guess…I’m just really scared to hurt you. Like, so scared. It’s a lot, Adam. I don’t want you to feel anything but good. “

Wrung out, Ronan turned and leaned into Adam, pressing his nose under Adam’s jawbone. Adam sighed and wrapped his arm around Ronan, rubbing his fingers over the short hair on the back of Ronan’s skull. The clock counted out some more minutes for them. Ronan’s shoulders slowly unclenched.

“I get it,” Adam said. “The first time we…I didn’t know if I had it in me to be gentle.” He paused and gathered himself. This was like navigating a narrow and slippery trail. He wanted each word to be the right step forward. “I trust you more than anyone else, that’s the whole point. That’s why everything we do together is so good. We don’t have to but I’d really like to. I know what I’m getting into.” Adam turned his face toward Ronan, bringing his other hand to tilt Ronan’s jaw until their eyes met. “Can you trust me to know what I want?”

Ronan turned his head slightly so that Adam’s fingers rested against his lips instead. He closed his eyes and nodded. He was out of words for the night. Adam pressed a kiss behind his ear. They were men of few words, but they were getting really good at holding on to each other.

-

They didn’t do anything else that night, Ronan was still too raw and keyed up. But he let himself get used to the idea over the next week.  
One day, he came home to find Adam looking out the back window of the kitchen. Ronan came up behind Adam and wrapped his arms around him. Adam must have been working in his car because smelled like sweat and gasoline and the cold winter air. Adam had been watching the herd of deer that confidently roamed the property. Because it was winter and there were no more vegetables in the garden to thieve, the deer were helping themselves to the remaining leaves on the seedlings Ronan had planted over the summer. “Little fuckers,” he muttered. 

Adam dropped his head back on Ronan’s shoulder with a lazy smile. Ronan took a deep breath. And pushed his hips forward against Adam. 

“Oh yeah?” said Adam, voice quiet and a little roughened. When Ronan didn’t answer Adam pushed back against him, braced against the edge of the sink. Ronan grasped Adam’s hips, pushing his thumbs into the muscles on either side of his spine for a moment, and then turned him around so they could kiss, deep and hungry. 

When they were both breathing a little harder, Adam pushed Ronan away and headed up the stairs. Ronan caught up with him in the bedroom doorway, and they tipped on the mattress together. Adam pulled Ronan’s shirt off and then his own. He unbuckled Ronan’s belt and slid his jeans down off his hips. He let Ronan pull off Adam’s jeans, kneeling on the floor next to the bed as he pulled them off his legs. Ronan stayed on his knees, kissing down Adam’s stomach and then licking a broad stripe up his cock. Adam sat up, panting, and reached over to the bedside table drawer to retrieve the lube. He lay back and reached his hand to cup the back of Ronan’s head, thrusting slowly into Ronan’s mouth and then shifting his legs over Ronan’s shoulders while he started to finger him. This is known, Ronan told himself; You’ve done this lots of times before. He garnered more confidence from Adam’s quickened breath. After growing up in a claustrophic trailer, Adam was characteristically quiet during sex. Ronan had grown attuned to subtle changes in his body language that indicated his enjoyment. 

Eventually Adam pulled back, moving further on to the bed and opening his arms to Ronan, who wiped his fingers off on a tissue and let himself be pulled forward. They kissed slowly, running their hands over each other. “Can we do it?” Adam whispered. “Yeah,” Ronan whispered back. 

Adam untangled himself and carefully pushed Ronan on to his back. He straddled Ronan and reclaimed the lube, slicking up Ronan’s cock and letting Ronan fuck up into his fist for a moment before he transferred his hand to his own cock. Ronan rubbed his hands up Adam’s thighs, watching Adam jerking himself off with a smirk. 

Then the moment changed. Ronan sat up swiftly, circling Adam’s waist with his arms and kissing him hard. Adam shifted forward, letting Ronan take his weight, and lined himself up. 

“I trust you,” he breathed. 

Ronan echoed him, reverently. “I trust you.”

Adam closed his eyes and slowly started to lower himself down, lips parting with concentration. Ronan fought his mind going blank with pleasure, fought the urge to come just from the intensity of what was happening between them. Stay in this moment. 

“Slowly,” Ronan said it like a prayer.

Adam paused a couple of times, breathing deeply. “I’m fine, don’t freak out,” he said lowly, without opening his eyes. Because Ronan was Ronan even at a time like this, he rolled his eyes, but he felt more grounded. He gently rubbed Adam’s hips and pressed open-mouthed kisses along his neck and collarbone. 

Ronan had no idea how much time had passed. The universe began and ended in the inches of space between them. Adam started to move and Ronan’s breath seized in his throat. It was too much. He wanted more. He let Adam press him back into the bed and rock against him. Adam dropped his head back and arched his back, working Ronan’s cock to just the right spot inside him. They were both starting to sweat, a flush spreading across the broad muscles of Adam’s chest. 

Ronan could feel his control slipping, the tension building in his body to an unbearable degree. “Adam.” He knew he was squeezing Adam’s hips too hard but he couldn’t stop. Adam let out a moan like it was being pulled from him, leaning forward with one hand on Ronan’s chest and one hand gripping his bicep as he moved. 

Ronan came. It was like surfacing from deep water, a sucked in breath that knocked him back against the mattress. He tried to stay gentle, to harness the energy that was surging out of his body. His pulse roared in his ears. He was distantly aware that he had made an embarrassing sound, part groan and part whimper. 

Adam had paused while Ronan shook his way through his orgasm, but now he impatiently started moving again. Ronan wrapped his fist around Adam’s cock, letting Adam fuck forward into his hand. His grip was tight and slick, and seconds later Adam was gasping as he came over Ronan’s stomach and chest. 

Ronan pulled Adam forward so he could kiss his neck and temple, pushing Adam’s sweaty hair back with shaking fingers. “Fuck,” he rasped. He felt Adam smile against his cheek. They both winced when Ronan pulled out, reorganizing themselves on the bed. Ronan dragged himself from the sheets to get tissues and a glass of water for Adam. 

Adam allowed Ronan to ask him twice if he was ok, and then rolled them over so he could tuck himself into his usual spot against Ronan’s back. Ronan calmed his racing heart by breathing in time with Adam, who immediately began to fall asleep with his nose pressed against the back of Ronan’s neck. 

The wind whispered against the roof and the moon peered in at them. It would be a dreamless but peaceful night for both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Twice by Waterstrider


End file.
